Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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