my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
