Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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