Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
