you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
