I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
