I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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