tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
