you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
is that a dick in a sweater?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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