and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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