i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
