you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
