I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
