Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
