i was rollin on her like bob the builder
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
