Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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