i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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