It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
