You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
