even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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