Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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