I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
