I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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