gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
