if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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