It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
