Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
