I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
