dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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