I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
