im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
