Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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