you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
