shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
