my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
