Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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