She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize