dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
