Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize