I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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