He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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