I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
