I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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