alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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