lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
there was a trapeze. enough said
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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