Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
