she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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