what day is it and did you see me today?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
