you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
