Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
