i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize