Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
