you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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