Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I need to calm my uterus...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
