At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
