The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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