I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
