Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
