Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
