These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
