The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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