so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
