You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Someone came in the potted fern
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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