If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
