the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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