I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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