I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I need to align my fucking chakras
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