Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
