Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
