the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
