I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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