god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
