Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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