He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize